And now, for your reading pleasure...

Ok, so if I haven't totally cut myself off from everyone and ya'll actually read this, I would like to relay to you the story of how I nearly drowndeded our house:

Upon arrival in "the SC" (yeah, stop laughing), we discovered that our water tastes like butt. We got the obligatory tap-mounted water filter and thought we were done. Not 'zactly. Our water was yummy, but as soon as our ice started melting we tasted butt again.

So after our aimless complaints to the water gods got us no results, I set out to take matters into my own hands: obtain and install an ice-maker filtration device.

On trip #1 to Lowes, I found a small assortment of filters that were all basically the same, with the most expensive touting the best water quality (no such thing as cheap and good, right?). All of them proclaimed, "Fast, easy installation", and "All necessary parts included."

"Perfect!" I thought, "I'm 15 minutes away from muy frio delicioso". Actually, I was 15 minutes from home. When I got home I thought again, "ok, 15 minutes and it's Ice, Ice Baby!". Yeah, not so much.

First, let me clarify that the instructions were written by a completely sadistic madman, assisted by at least one imbecile ghost writer. "Let's see, list of tools required... one adjustable wrench, check, one Phillips screwdriver, check, one pair of tube cutters (for cutting copper tube), check. Ok, guess I'm all set".

In no time flat I've mounted the unit to the wall, unplugged the water line to the fridge, tightened the fittings on the filter and grabbed the cutters. "Ok, for this step I'm supposed to cut the copper line from the wall to the fridge... but my line isn't copper... it's vinyl hose. Oh well, no matter, that's probably because we're in a new house." ::Snip:: "Ok, next step. Insert the tube end into the inlet coupling on the filter. Umm, wait, this hose won't fit in there. Where's the adapter? No adapter?!"

On trip #2 to Lowes, I walked in with the whole unit and my now-severed hose. I returned the filter and explained to the clerk that, no, I didn't buy the hose from them, but it was their product that led to it's unnecessary demise, so I wanted a replacement.

Have you ever been looked at like you just said the most absurd thing in all creation?

I went to the plumbing section and explained the problem to the worker, who was as stumped as me, but determined to "help" me. I was given the same filter kit, and a brass fitting to adapt my hose to the appropriate size for the inlet coupling. "This just might work", I thought.

Call me Gulli-Bull. Yeah, when that was connected, I quickly realized that I had bypassed the fridge's water stop/start device, thereby quickly flooding the freezer unit until it began to leak out the door. I realized that I just needed to reattach the severed end of the hose, plug it back in, then cut the other hose coming from the fridge to the freezer.

Yeah, so on trip #3, I also got some extra line and a coupling just in case. ::Snip:: "Aha! Success! All lines are busy now! We're ready to get fridgerific." Rolled the fridge back to the wall and retired to the TV room.

It was about 2 hours later that I went out to put up the dogs for the night that I heard little Niagara in our kitchen. It was one of those horrific, delayed reaction, like "oh, what the H, that can't possibly be what I think it... oh, my dear LORD!" kinda things. Yep, don't ever try to repair a severed refrigerator water line. That poor brass connector that "will never come out", popped loose like a button on a fat man's pants. There was water all over the wall, cabinets, stove, floor and little old me, who was straining frantically to slide the thing out on a wet vinyl floor in bare feet. Tell you what, I'd pay to see that but right now I'm still a little miffed about it.

So trip #4 was to... guess what? BUY a replacement water hose. Got home, plugged in, left alone, no worky. Left alone more, still no worky. So what does this teach us? Four trips to Lowes is necessary for any simple project and dulls your observational skills to the point to where you FORGET TO TURN ON THE FILTER VALVE THAT YOU JUST INSTALLED!!

We're muy frio now. The ice is delicious.