This is not what I signed up for

So my parents just finished yelling at me about my hair. Again.

They're making me dye it back or else I can't go anywhere in public
"And if it falls out; too bad."

They said they hate my hair and they hate me and they're embarrased and humiliated. And I'm dishonoring God with my freakish hair.


My dad said, "This week its hair dye, next week its tattoos, and next week it'll be drugs. I've seen it all, Dara." [I tried to interject by asking how hair dye and drugs were related] "SHUT YOUR BIG STUPID MOUTH AND LISTEN FOR A CHANGE."

My dad really lost it. Like really lost it. Like he slammed stuff into the counter and kicked stuff and yelled so loud it made my ears hurt. And then he blamed me for making him lose his temper. And I was crying and shaking uncontrollably and he told me to "stop acting like a stupid little three year-old."

I feel like I want to die.


Blogger Karina said...

Sweetie, remember that these mean things they are saying about you is not anymore true about you than it is about them. But here's the trick to not losing it: pretend they are talking about themselves; they are repeating things that have been said to them and now they are handing it down to you. It puts a whole new perspective on things, trust me.

2:04 PM

Blogger Dax said...

I suppose the real question here is why Dara feels justified when she admittedly hid the truth from M&D, knowing how they would react if they knew the full truth. Even the maniacal giggle showed her knowledge of their disapproval.

Dara, know what? It DOESN'T MATTER if you agree with a single thing they say. Consider 4821 Briarcreek the kingdom of Pam and Kevan Prati... it's THEIR rules and you need to be grateful for 16 years worth of free room and board!

It's nice to see that they care enough to get mad about these things. Yeah the arguments may not always make sense but that isn't the fundmental problem. You've got umpteen years to live however you want after you've left the nest, why does it have to be such a battle to go along with the rules until then? The fundamental problem is that you deliberately push their buttons, knowing the consequences, then you refuse to listen and blame them for losing their cool. THAT is the main problem. Yeah they shouldn't lose their tempers with you. Guess what, people only have so much patience.

You only wind up in as much trouble as you make for yourself. And the disgusting thing is you know it, then act innocent.

And Karina and Julia? I'm sick that you two are encouraging this kind of behavior. You are her elders and should be providing her sound advice and guidance, not encouraging her to fight against "the man" like she's some kind of a political or religious prisoner.

Shame on all 3 of you.

We love you all, but criminy, get it together people. This dysfunctional family needs to learn how to get along and communicate. This choosing sides crap has got to go. I've held my tongue long enough. So if I guess I've got to be on a "side", it's Mom and Dad's.

5:35 PM

Blogger Karina said...

I'm confused, Dax. Hid the truth about what? Dad bought the hair dye while he was at the grocery store, so he knew what color it was.... I am assuming that she was giggling because she was enjoying a small liberty that felt adventurous compared to the average day. I'm wondering what is REALLY causing all this caustic attitude; it's probably not HAIR COLOR...

6:01 PM

Blogger Dax said...

I suppose I'm confused as well. I said I love you guys... I don't know how that could be misconstrued as caustic.

Dara admitted that she was deceptive by only saying that the hair dye she wanted was "red", not "crayola red", and we all know that Dad would not have any idea about hair color or what it would look like. Combine that with the fact that Dara waited until they were out of the house to do it... and the "maniacal laugh" about it? I'm not seeing your confusion sis. Looks pretty blatant to me, and that's without hearing M&D's side of it.

6:18 PM

Blogger Dara said...

You know what? This all really doesn't even matter.
Its my fault mom and dad blew up in my face. My hair is back to normal (sort of) so they're happy.
And in this house that is all that really matters.

As of right now I really don't care about trying to do stuff that I want to do because they don't like it when I do. No, I'm not throwing a three year-old pity party, all I'm saying is I'd rather keep the peace so everybody is happy.

And I know people lose their patience. I just don't understand why I was told that I am dishonoring God and why, because I dyed my hair an odd color, my parents are suddenly suspecting me of wanting to do drugs.

9:18 AM

Blogger Dax said...

That sounds good. Ideally we'd all agree but failing that at least you can choose to not make waves.

Yeah, I'm not saying they're right to make a "weird-hair-color-to-drugs" connection out of thin air, but I think the gist of it is that they both come from a sense of rebellion (not necessarily the bad sort of rebellion, but in the "you're such a rebel with that hair color" kinda way). It's deviation from so-called "normal" society... that's why you wanted to do it, right? Cuz it's wild and different? I think all people your age do something crazy with their hair or at least think about it. So in that light it's easy for me to see their concern about what direction you might be going in.

I was sorry to hear about how heated things got. Dad has a self-described "explosive temper" and I believe I have one, too. It doesn't give us an excuse... especially since we're aware of our problem, but it explains why we are so passionate and forceful with our arguments. We've all got our flaws.

I've been told that God doesn't approve of tattoos (though I can't remember if M&D were the ones who said it).. because basically I'm defiling his temple. All I can say is that one person's "defiling" is another person's "art of expression". I love my tats, but I know M&D don't. So I don't show them around them and I don't talk about them in their presence. Kind of like how you wouldn't drink of front of someone who thinks alcohol is a sinful thing... you don't agree but you respect them enough to abstain in their company. You're not giving up who you are, you're just avoiding a potential awkward situation.

Love ya sis. I know you don't agree with M&D on the hair, and I think there's no harm done with it, but like you said, theirs is the opinion that counts.

My concern was centered on how you went about it. Sorry to hear you can't do anything you like to without upsetting them. I know you didn't ask for it but my advice is to open your mind up to other things that they would approve of. What that might be I can't really say. One thing I know I wish we had when I was a kid is more family time. It's obvious you and Karina don't feel like you can have a productive conversation with M&D, and regardless of who is to blame for that, it's something that CAN be fixed if all parties are willing. That is what I'd love to see happen.

3:03 PM

Blogger Karina said...

Well hey stupid, let's just post a map to Mom and Dad's kingdom while we're outing the sacrificial family stool pigeons. Love ya!

8:12 PM


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