wedgie-itis, cosmo, & hair dye

i think this blog

2006-07-17T14:34:00.000-05:00

is dead.

I'm lame, but are YOU?

2006-04-11T13:11:00.000-05:00

A - Available: Sure. Who's asking?
A - Age: 15.999
A - Annoyance: The price of grapes.

B - Best Buddies?: anyone lame enough to read this.
B - Bar: Not yet. But beware.
B - Birthday?: May 2nd. Its comin' up!

C - Crush: Elvis Presley's remains.
C - Car: Saturn Ion Redline? Please?
C - Cats: I like to torture them.

D - Dead Pets' Names: Molly, Bob, Bob II, Hughie, Duey, Louie, Zip.
D - Dad's Name: Kevan.
D - Dog: No. Sadness. ;(

E - Easiest person to talk to: Buddy or Celieface.
E - Eggs: Unfertilized! Yeah!
E - Email: Delicious.

F - Favorite color?: Indigo.
F - Food: Toast, apples, and pizzalicious pringles.
F - Foreign Slang: I like the term 'slag.' & 'bum'. & 'ace'.

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Worms worms worms.
G - God: Yeah. He's pretty cool.
G - Guns: I'm working on them. 10 pound weights are slow to show results.

H - Hair Color: Brown. And boy-ishly short.
H - Height: 5'9" in my lucky clogs. 5'5" when I'm all alone and barefoot.
H - Happy: Most of the time. Except when I get ouchies.

I - Ice Cream: Mint chocolate chip.
I - Instrument: Guitar, keyboard (kinda), and a how-to guide for my ukelele.
I - Idol: Not sure. Maybe Shakira's hips.

J - Jewelry: Cheap costume type. Like at Sam Moon's.
J - Job: Hark! My quest!
J - Joke: (please see above.)

K - Kids: Small, sticky people with jam on their faces.
K - karate: Never.
K - kung fu: In secret.

L - Longest Car Ride: Anytime I'm in the car while my mom is playing "Sing-a-long Symphonies".
L - Longest Relationship: One of those "intimate" relationships? Eh, like 5 months-ish.
L - Last person talked to: My female parental unit.

M - Milk Flavor: 2%.
M - Mothers Name: Pamelaaaa.
M - Movie Last Watched: The Chronicles of Narnia.

N - Number of Siblings: 3.
N - Northern or Southern: Me gusto Texas, hombres.
N - Name: Like 'Sara' but with a 'D'.

O - One wish: Happinessss.
O - One Phobia: Big dogs.
O - Otter Pop: I've seen a dog eat one.

P - Parents, are they married or divorced: Married for 36 years.
P - Part of your appearance you like best: My eyes and neck. Yes, my neck.
P - Part of your personality you like best: I listen well. Mostly.

Q - Quote: "Silver foxes looking for romance in the chainsmoke Kansas flashdance ass pants."
Q - Quick or Slow?: Quick. (like a thief!)
Q - Quiet or Loud?: I laugh really loud.

R - Reason to smile: I've got rhythm, I've got music...!
R - Reality TV Show: Parental Control.
R - Left or right: Lefty.

S - Song Last Heard: Some Franz Ferdinand song.
S - Season: Winter. I like to wear my jackets.
S - Sex: Female. Although sometimes mistaken for 12 year-old boy.

T - Time you woke up: 9 am... I didn't bother getting out of bed 'til 9:42 though.
T - Time now: 1:25 pm.
T - Time for bed: Never!

U - Unknown fact about me: None to spare!
U - U are a... : Nice young woman who has never been OK with the whole "you" spelled as "u" thing.
U - Unicorns: Prettyyyyyy.

V - Vegetable you hate: Mushrooms and eggplant. Ew. Barfy.
V - Vegetable you love: Celery. Tomatoes. Potatoes (actually I've heard thats not really a vegetable). Ohmygodyes, CARROTS.
V - View on politics: United States of Whatever.

W - Worst Habits: Cussing, drinking, chewing the skin around my fingernails, biting the skin off my lips.
W - Where are you going traveling to next?: The fridge.
W - Where have you not been... and want to go?: Italy, New Zealand, California, New York, Europe, etc.

X - Xylophone anyone?: I used to have one! The rainbow colored ones.
X - X-tra special someones: All the someones that are still reading this.
X - X chromosome?: I guess I have two... yes? Two?

Y - Year you were born: 1990.
Y - Year it is now: 2006.
Y - Yellow?: I see you are also confused.

Z - Zoo Animal: Zeeba.
Z - Zodiac: Taurus.
Z - Zoolander: My lover.

Yay for picture blogs!

2006-04-03T18:35:00.000-05:00

I've decided to start a picture blog.

Since I have so many photos just collecting dust on my hard drive, I thought, 'what the hell! Maybe people would actually like to see some of this stuff.' So its up now. I'll probably make minor changes with the layout &whatever (with the help of my kind older sister?). New pictures every weekday, probably, as I'll be too busy having fun on the weekends. Ha.

(P.S. OMG, JULESSSSSS!!!! So glad I got to seeeeee youuuuuuu. Wuffer<3)

Ohmygiddygodstrousers, I actually DID IT!

2006-03-08T21:41:00.000-06:00

I chomped all my hair off.

Yep.

Shelby was all worried and nervous.
I wasn't.

(me = uber dork)

(I seriously couldn't stop smiling.)

(See all the hair on the floor?!)

(Ditz.)

I love it.
<3

I went to PetSmart to get fish. With gills. And FINS. Breaking news: This does NOT have fins...

2006-02-27T11:19:00.000-06:00

BEHOLD THE CUTENESS
Internet, meet Nox. She is Perfect Dog.

Aaron has been bringing up dogs a lot recently. It has something to do with having a blank yard, I'm sure. I kept putting him off. "We" weren't ready. "We" would be giving up all those uninterrupted weekend snooze-a-thons. Kibbles and bits and bites and stains and holes in the couch. When I called Aaron to ask him if I could bring home something that didn't have gills instead, he said "Yeah. I don't care. As long as I can get a Shiba now."

my depression makes me laugh

2006-02-15T13:07:00.000-06:00

Valentine's day is like Christmas.
you get all excited from all the commercials you see with all the glittery diamonds and the delicious chocolates on TV; and you think "Oh, I can't wait for Valentine's!" because you think you're going to have a picture perfect Valentine's day just like that.
And then maybe you don't. And you think "rawr! why wasn't my Valentine's day as perfect as that effing Kay jewelry TV spot?!"
its all the stupid commercialism. its sucking the soul out of the holidays.

& sometimes its not even that you didn't get anything. what if you're single? what if all you wanted for Valentine's day was someone special to be with?
i was talking to one of my guy friends yesterday. he didn't have anyone on Valentine's either.

me: "happy fucking Valentine's day. hope your's is better than mine. 'cause it would totally suck if it wasn't........... shit that sounded so lame. okay, happy Valentine's day again without the depressing undertone."
him: "its okay. here's to Valentine's day disappointment and a brighter future."
me: "woo! i'll drink to that."
him: "haha, yesterday i would have drunk to that til i passed out."
me: "ditto. eh, fuck it all. let's get drunk and pass out and totally not remember anything about yesterday."
him: "sounds like a plan."

now that i typed that all out, it looks so pathetic. but in a comical way.
hilariously pathetic. yep.

Now HERE is an exercise in futility...

2006-02-06T11:24:00.000-06:00

"Face transplant patient uses new lips to smoke again"

Scenes of Christmas

2005-12-26T10:28:00.000-06:00

"What's she doing?"

"I don't know."

"Are those vitamins?"

"Maybe... Hey Grandma, what are you leaving beside everyone's plate?"

"Beano."

The Guys' Rules

2005-12-07T21:55:00.000-06:00

Aaron said this is the relationship Bible; read it, memorize it, love it, live it.

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear"the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don 't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine .Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. When you ask us where we want to eat and we say "whatever", we actually MEAN "whatever". Food is food, quit trying to complicate things and say where you really want to go.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

And now, for your reading pleasure...

2005-12-01T18:01:00.000-06:00

Ok, so if I haven't totally cut myself off from everyone and ya'll actually read this, I would like to relay to you the story of how I nearly drowndeded our house:

Upon arrival in "the SC" (yeah, stop laughing), we discovered that our water tastes like butt. We got the obligatory tap-mounted water filter and thought we were done. Not 'zactly. Our water was yummy, but as soon as our ice started melting we tasted butt again.

So after our aimless complaints to the water gods got us no results, I set out to take matters into my own hands: obtain and install an ice-maker filtration device.

On trip #1 to Lowes, I found a small assortment of filters that were all basically the same, with the most expensive touting the best water quality (no such thing as cheap and good, right?). All of them proclaimed, "Fast, easy installation", and "All necessary parts included."

"Perfect!" I thought, "I'm 15 minutes away from muy frio delicioso". Actually, I was 15 minutes from home. When I got home I thought again, "ok, 15 minutes and it's Ice, Ice Baby!". Yeah, not so much.

First, let me clarify that the instructions were written by a completely sadistic madman, assisted by at least one imbecile ghost writer. "Let's see, list of tools required... one adjustable wrench, check, one Phillips screwdriver, check, one pair of tube cutters (for cutting copper tube), check. Ok, guess I'm all set".

In no time flat I've mounted the unit to the wall, unplugged the water line to the fridge, tightened the fittings on the filter and grabbed the cutters. "Ok, for this step I'm supposed to cut the copper line from the wall to the fridge... but my line isn't copper... it's vinyl hose. Oh well, no matter, that's probably because we're in a new house." ::Snip:: "Ok, next step. Insert the tube end into the inlet coupling on the filter. Umm, wait, this hose won't fit in there. Where's the adapter? No adapter?!"

On trip #2 to Lowes, I walked in with the whole unit and my now-severed hose. I returned the filter and explained to the clerk that, no, I didn't buy the hose from them, but it was their product that led to it's unnecessary demise, so I wanted a replacement.

Have you ever been looked at like you just said the most absurd thing in all creation?

I went to the plumbing section and explained the problem to the worker, who was as stumped as me, but determined to "help" me. I was given the same filter kit, and a brass fitting to adapt my hose to the appropriate size for the inlet coupling. "This just might work", I thought.

Call me Gulli-Bull. Yeah, when that was connected, I quickly realized that I had bypassed the fridge's water stop/start device, thereby quickly flooding the freezer unit until it began to leak out the door. I realized that I just needed to reattach the severed end of the hose, plug it back in, then cut the other hose coming from the fridge to the freezer.

Yeah, so on trip #3, I also got some extra line and a coupling just in case. ::Snip:: "Aha! Success! All lines are busy now! We're ready to get fridgerific." Rolled the fridge back to the wall and retired to the TV room.

It was about 2 hours later that I went out to put up the dogs for the night that I heard little Niagara in our kitchen. It was one of those horrific, delayed reaction, like "oh, what the H, that can't possibly be what I think it... oh, my dear LORD!" kinda things. Yep, don't ever try to repair a severed refrigerator water line. That poor brass connector that "will never come out", popped loose like a button on a fat man's pants. There was water all over the wall, cabinets, stove, floor and little old me, who was straining frantically to slide the thing out on a wet vinyl floor in bare feet. Tell you what, I'd pay to see that but right now I'm still a little miffed about it.

So trip #4 was to... guess what? BUY a replacement water hose. Got home, plugged in, left alone, no worky. Left alone more, still no worky. So what does this teach us? Four trips to Lowes is necessary for any simple project and dulls your observational skills to the point to where you FORGET TO TURN ON THE FILTER VALVE THAT YOU JUST INSTALLED!!

We're muy frio now. The ice is delicious.

It's those little things that say it all...

2005-11-30T14:14:00.000-06:00

This is not what I signed up for

2005-11-30T12:40:00.000-06:00

So my parents just finished yelling at me about my hair. Again.

They're making me dye it back or else I can't go anywhere in public
"And if it falls out; too bad."

They said they hate my hair and they hate me and they're embarrased and humiliated. And I'm dishonoring God with my freakish hair.

BULLSHIT.

My dad said, "This week its hair dye, next week its tattoos, and next week it'll be drugs. I've seen it all, Dara." [I tried to interject by asking how hair dye and drugs were related] "SHUT YOUR BIG STUPID MOUTH AND LISTEN FOR A CHANGE."

My dad really lost it. Like really lost it. Like he slammed stuff into the counter and kicked stuff and yelled so loud it made my ears hurt. And then he blamed me for making him lose his temper. And I was crying and shaking uncontrollably and he told me to "stop acting like a stupid little three year-old."

I feel like I want to die.

Yes, I admit I'm a hair dye junkie

2005-11-30T09:19:00.000-06:00

I decided I should starting asking the internet about more issues. Particularly issues in my own life. Because, yah know, the internet knows everything.

Monday I got this overwhelming urge to dye my hair an insane color. Every time we passed the hair section in the grocery store my fingers began to twitch and I started gravitating toward it. But I knew I had to get the parental units' approval or I'd be chopped liver. (And I'm not very fond of chopped liver. Ew.)

So I asked my mom in a sweet, shy voice, thinking all along she was going to say No.

"Mommy, I was wondering if maybe I could dye my hair again...?"

"What color?"

"Red and blonde streaks? I wouldn't be dying all my hair, just some of it. Please?"

"Mmm, well okay that's fine with me I suppose."

Yes! Score! Dad went to the store and so I asked him to pick up the stuff for me, which he did 'cause he CAN be nice sometimes. Although, I'd be lying if I said it was often. Its like once-in-a-blue-moon niceness.

Did I mention the red is a bright red? Like crayola crayon red? Well, yeah. It is. And I wanted it that way.
Apparently the parentals had something different in their minds. Not my fault. All I said was red. I've learned that divvying out the minor details of my life to my parents is not a good idea if I intend to live to my next birthday.

Monday night, they went to a meeting. Hmm, I think I'll do my hair right now. Can't you just hear the maniacal giggling?

This is how it turned out:

BE CAREFUL! LOOKING AT THESE IMAGES MAY BLOW YOUR EYEBALLS OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS!

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I must say it looks way better in person. Really it does.

When mom and dad got home, they homed in directly on my newly colored head.
Really, homed in is the perfect way of putting it. It was like two death missiles set to cruise their little deadly, blowing-up selves right at me.

I could see my mother's face was beginning to turn about as red as my crayola hair, while Dad seemed content in circling me, getting the whole 360 view, with nothing but a blank stare of disbelief.
Then he tries to level with me.

"What possessed you to do that to your hair?"

"Um, I just want to experiment with colors and see what looks good."

"Yah know, that's the kind of thing people say when they're doing drugs."

[PAUSE until uncontrollable laughter dies down.]

Um, sure, Dad.

So, internet, tell me your thoughts on this issue. Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this absurdly, ridiculously hilarious.

First its red dye. What's next, you ask? MARIJUANA. Behind Walgreens. Every Friday night.

It's a wonder sometimes the poor man can still remember my name let alone ever figure out why I do anything I do

2005-11-17T11:34:00.000-06:00

"So Karina, D, and I are working on planning our annual marathon-girls-only-more-coffee-than-any-dozen-people-could-safely-consume-in-a-lifetime-Christmas shopping weekend."

"This is an annual thing?"

"Duh!"

"Since when?"

"Last year."

"But last year was the only time you've done that?"

"And your point is?"

Wherein all grown-ups are estactic to drink out of sippy cups every morning

2005-11-03T10:15:00.000-06:00

~The McCullough Daily Exchange~

"I love you and stuff."

"Well, I love you and stuff."

"You do?!"

"Yeah."

"Really?!"

"Yes, you can get more Starbucks."

Because this was too good not to share...

2005-10-06T06:31:00.000-05:00

Ok, this is long, but I think you'll both enjoy it.

Last night, being the old farts we are, we fell asleep around nine. Andy never goes to bed before midnight, nor do I when I don't have to get up for work the next morning. This is fine with me since Andy tends to wake up early if he goes to sleep early, and that usually leads to Andy getting into mischief while I'm asleep. Don't know why we fell asleep so early last night, but we did.

This morning I was awakened by Andy standing beside the bed, shaking me.
"What?"
"I'm looking for some clothes."
"It's 6:20!"
"I know."
"You woke me up on 6:20 on my day off to ask me where your clothes are?"
"No, I was looking for the flashlight so I could check the closet."
"The flashlight I sleep with on top of me??? Do you not own a robe? Go put that on." Yes, I was grumpy.

Andy wanders off, finds his robe, and leaves. I realize I'm much too awake now and get up. While I'm in the bathroom, I hear Andy come back in the bedroom. I, being the good wife I am, start grumbling again.
"I can't believe you woke me up this early on my day off."
"I'm sorry."
"What possessed you to get up at 6:20?"
"I didn't. I got up at 4am and went and painted the church baptistery."
"YOU WHAT?" I am fully awake now.
"I woke up at 3:30 and couldn't sleep. Then I thought about how I was going to do it today anyway, so I went and painted the baptistery. I got a little on me though."

I open the door and Andy wanders in the bathroom to show me how much he got on him. From the knees down, the man's legs are BLUE. Yes, you heard me right, blue. And not just a light blue, but an "I'm auditioning for a role as a Smurf and there is no doubt I will get it because that's just how blue my legs are BLUE."

"Why don't you go shower?"
"I did."
"Seriously, go wash it off."
"I did!"
I'm laughing so hard now. You can see the outline of his sandals on his feet! OH LORD! I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T SEEN HOW BAD HIS SHOES ARE YET!!!!

"Tell me you didn't get any on the carpet at church or when you came home."
"No, I took a shower..."
"Good."
"...I got some in the tub though. I'll bleach it later today."
!!! "What?"
"I got some in the tub, but got most of it out. I had to use your poofy purple sponge. You should probably buy a new one."

Afraid of what I'll find in the shower, I go look anyway. IT LOOKED LIKE A FREAKIN' SMURF EXPLODED IN THERE! I'm serious, if the Smurf police came by we'd totally be thrown in the slammer.

Therefore, the new rule in our household is as follows:
"Andy is no longer allowed to go to bed before midnight... ever!"

You know you're country when...

2005-09-26T20:09:00.000-05:00

~you're late to work because you get stuck behind a tractor
~you know people who don't own keys to their house
~when you lock your car in a parking lot, you have people ask you if you're afraid the cows are going to steal your purse
~there are 3 hardware stores in the nearest town (20 mins. away) but the nearest Starbucks is over 2 hours away... help me!!!
~you can no longer count on one hand the number of animals you've hit with your car... thus causing your car to make an "errrrr" sound whenever you turn to the right
~you've actually heard the word, "mechanicin' " used in a sentence
Ex: "The car wasn't working yesterday, so I tried mechanicin' it."
~the moment you give someone your last name they immediately know more about your in-laws than you do
~in the breakroom at work, there are several jugs of sweet tea that are out at all times
~you're so bored you actually drive to Wal-Mart during a tornado just for something to do
~you've ever recognized yourself on Green Acres

And last of all, you know your country when... you make this list and people think your joking.

Random Text Messages

2005-09-10T17:04:00.000-05:00

Because I went waaaaay over the limit (and fully intend to pay for it) but I thought I could at least share them.

"Dara thanks for the good night txt last night... It made me feel special...So good morning..I saw the sun rise and it made me think of you cause it was beautiful"

"YES! My family is gone and i'm free to walk around the house naked... I'm not sure why i'm telling you that... But there it is..."

"Aww isn't it beautiful.... But i honestly have to say that i like the darkness... It is my friend... And he makes me invisible..."

"Yes... I think i'm going to start a cartoon called the adventures of ben's demon possesed pants..."

"Hmm... I hadn't really thought of it... But you know... I would like you here... But that's no surprise since i'd be happy to be with you anywhere..."

If we don't stop with this Starbucks obsession, we're all going to end up like this damn squirrel!

2005-09-04T13:57:00.000-05:00

You have been warned.

http://www.friendsoffoamy.com/index.php?id=152

My mother and our inability to communicate without yelling at eachother

2005-09-03T14:25:00.000-05:00

I asked my mom if she would take me to the mall to meet Shelby after work. But of course not. She yelled at me about how we're trying to conserve gas cos of the prices. The mall is only 7 miles away. I said, "Okay fine, mom. I'll just stay home for the rest of my life. I never go anywhere!"

"I don't care where you go as long as you have your own transportation. You just want us to do everything for you."

"I would have transportation IF I HAD A FREAKIN' DRIVER'S LISCENCE!"

"Oh and do you have money for a car? Of course not. Because you want to do whatever you want without having to work for it."

"I would if you'd let me get A JOB!"

"Psh, your not responsible enough for a job. So I won't allow it. But that's not my fault."

Oh. Duh. I almost forgot, cos everything is always my fault. I need out of this house before I spork my own eyes out.

Studying

2005-08-24T13:30:00.000-05:00

Click on the title to listen to Shelby and me goofing off last night. We had alot fun!

(Actually, you might think its boring but we had a blast. So just shove it! Haha!)

Not only do we break all ten commandments, we smoke pot behind Walgreens every Friday night

2005-08-23T10:20:00.000-05:00

Shelby came over yesterday. I hadn't seen her for about a week but it seemed more equivalent to ETERNITY. Shelby makes life so much more amusing.

Shelby and I have known eachother since we were knee-high to a cosmetics counter. We are way more comfortable with eachother than any humans should be. We tell eachother things that no human in their right mind would utter to any other living thing with ears. But who ever said we were in our right minds?

So she calls me on her cell phone. "Hey, Dara. I'm on my way to your house. We can chill for awhile. But then, like, I have to, like, go work out. Urrgh." So she came in wearing a black tank top that only showed her bra straps and some glow-in-the-dark, neon green soffe's and showed me her new haircut. Then we went in the kitchen and showed my mom her new haircut. Shelby quickly tried to hide her bra straps after a couple minutes of that trying-to-hide-it-but-not-really look of disapproval from my mother. "Sorry. I'm gonna go work out in a lil bit... So...." We swiftly vacated the premises and retreated to my room.

After talking for a half-hour about her boyfriend, Derek, (who, by the way, is pretty good looking even though I've only seen one picture that isn't very good) we reminisced about the time when my mom wouldn't allow me to go up to Target with Shelby cos she was wearing a shirt that (GASP, SHOCK) showed her bra straps!!! The HORROR! And she said to Shelby that she was dressed very inappropriately and she wouldn't allow her daughter to be seen with her like that. A fucking bra strap, people! I say just show 'em. Its not like she's your mother. If she was, you probably would have killed yourself by now. I don't know why I haven't.

Then somehow we got off talking about seeing our siblings naked. (We talk about the weirdest things. One time we spent a good 20 minutes discussing pooping in public restrooms and why Shelby refuses to do so.) Shelby asked, "Have you ever seen Daniel naked?" "Um, duh. We took BATHES together 'til I was 8! Oh shit. You can't tell anyone that." "I won't. But that's so gross, Dara... I have to go pee. Come with me." Yes, I know. We are way too comfortable.

As she was leaving, she said, "Hey, I'd say bye to your mom but she can't look at me like this. I'm probably breaking one of those ten commandments somewhere in there."

I love that woman.

What kind of blogger are YOU?

2005-08-20T11:30:00.000-05:00

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of.
And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

What kind of blogger are you?

Aren't I so cool and snarky? Hehe! Notice the anime picture with the cool rubbery black tights and tube-top. Snarky bloggers are sexxxy.

What I Learned This Summer

2005-08-05T08:40:00.000-05:00

I feel it necessary to lay out what I have learned from my own and other people's experiences this past season.

People disappoint. Always. No matter what. They will always let you down. To some extent, at least. Its either people are disappointing or I have put way too much faith in them. So then it would be my fault. Which it isn't because I have no say in what other people choose to do with their lives.

Sulky-faced boys will confuse you to no end and eventually disappoint you. Even if they don't mean to. Or maybe that was their very intention. You can never win with said sulky-faced boys. Because sulky-faced boys are quiet and...well, sulky.

Its not my fault if people so desire to ruin their lives no matter how many times you pound into their skull that they are going the wrong way. If they don't want to listen, that is their problem. Not mine. I used to think it was. Life is so much easier now that it isn't.

I had a dream the other night. I dreamed I could control bodies of water and nobody knew it but me. And I discovered that somehow I had caused that big tsunami and all those hurricanes we've been having. So I told someone. And they started screaming, "ITS ALL YOUR FAULT! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!"
And then I woke up.

But the tsunami isn't my fault.

People are going to do whatever they feel like doing no matter how blue in the face you get trying to tell them not to.

People are stupid.

WARNING: Do not read while eating Raspberry yogurt

2005-07-18T14:11:00.000-05:00

Mr. Nice Guy - http://bonnehomme.blogspot.com/

Seriously... almost just had raspberry yogurt coming out my nose. Don't know if it's all these damn hormones I'm having right now or if the site really is that funny, but I am laughing so hard I can't breathe!

Ever notice how Dilbert sometimes feels like a documentary?

2005-07-09T23:50:00.000-05:00

Found recently in a place of business:

"Sarcasm - Just another great service we provide here."

This is What I Think:

2005-07-01T15:09:00.000-05:00

I think its pathetic that you still think you need him. You don't!
I think he is being a total self-centered asshole and being totally immature and selfish.
I think you deserve more than his bullshit.
I think your one of my best friends and if I'm being a bitch its only 'cause I love you and want so much more for you and I think you don't see that yet but I want you to so badly!

That is what I'm thinking.

How to Charm me...

2005-06-29T14:25:00.000-05:00

Chew out my butt when you find me attempting to shave in the shower. Rant on and on about how there was a reason the doctor ordered me on two weeks bed rest and shaving my legs does not fall into the list of things I am allowed to do...

...then, totally negate the whole tough guy act by settling me on the couch and shaving my legs for me despite how completely exhausted you are.

This man... I swear I don't deserve him... he loves me so much it hurts.

In which I make a complete idiot of myself in front of the hottest guy at my church.

2005-06-21T12:03:00.000-05:00

I had a softball game last night. Michael was there. Of course! I don't know why that surprised me, since his sister is playing softball too. Duh, Dara!

We lost the softball game 12-2. TEN FREAKING RUNS! But I made a pretty good save. I was playing 3rd and Stephanie threw me the ball but I dropped it so I went down to grab it and put my knee on the base just in time to tag the runner out. Woo-hoo!

We still lost though.

After the game, Tori and Shelby and I were standing around by the field and Michael was talking a few yards in front of us.
Tori: "I see him." Me: "How can you see him if you've never met him or seen a picture of him?" Shelby: "He's the only one with black hair and that's what you said he dyed it." Me: "Oh."
I looked up and saw him and all of a sudden a few hundred-billion monarch butterflies migrated to my stomach and my feet were somehow rooted to the concrete.
Tori: "Go talk to him." Me: "He's busy talking to Saphraine..." Shelby: "Dang, Dara! He is hooot. I want to meet him."
We walked up to him. He saw me and smiled and then my insides turned to jello along with the rest of my body. I gave him a little sideways-hug and said, "Michael this is Tori. And this is Shelby." And I looked back up at him and he was looking at me. It made me tingley so I looked back at Tori.
Saphraine came up and gave me a hug. She came right between Michael and me but I don' t think it was on purpose. So we were standing there, just sorta talking, except Michael wasn't really talking to me...which only made me a tiny bit upset.

Then Sarah called me over and so I walked over to her and she had this very solemn expression and said, "Be careful." so I said, "Okay." And then we were going to the car, past Michael and everyone, so I went arm-in-arm with Tori (somewhere we lost Shelby and Bailzey). I was pulling to the right, the farthest from Michael but then Tori pulled me over toward where Michael was and I slipped and fell right behind him. I got up and didn't dare to look back. God, that was embarrasing. And normally when I do stupid stuff like that I think its funny, but I was beet-red when I did it that time.

I. Am. Such. A. Nervous. Jelly-ish. Mess.

Help. Me.

Things that make me go "Huh???"

2005-06-17T17:55:00.000-05:00

Expired condoms on clearance.

Doesn't that kinda defeat the purpose?

How to Piss Me Off...

2005-05-27T17:14:00.000-05:00

Keep talking about all the stuff you do with him and then wonder why I'm jealous. Duh!

Gr-eeeeeeeen Acres is the place to be...

2005-04-25T19:43:00.000-05:00

F-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarm livin' is the life for me!

We've officially been in Carter for over a month now. It is nothing like Chico. It is also frighteningly more country than Chico. I say "frighteningly more country" as a city girl who never really saw much "country" unless it was a trip to the Prati's or my dad's on the weekend (and compared to Carter, those trips really don't count). I also say "frighteningly more country" because compared to Chico, Carter makes Chico look like the size of Dallas. (Case in point: I can drive to and back from the Post Office in only one song on the radio.)

Apparently, there is a thing called the "Rattlesnake Round-Up" this weekend in a nearby down. How, you ask, did we learn of the upcoming event? On a Sunday night when a friend told us that he and a buddy had spent the afternoon catching rattlesnakes to take to this event (...wait, it gets better) and throwing them down in his cellar where they will be kept till that time. The story ending with Andy practically jumping up and down with joy and declaring that we too would be going to the Round-up.

Last week when driving home from Wal-Mart, a Wal-Mart which by the way pretends to be and I was originally told was a Super Wal-Mart but so completely lacking that it is not even funny, I discovered sadly that there are only two, count'em two, radio stations which our Malibu gets out in the middle of nowhere. And, both ironically are not country.

Also, people here have this weird definition of a "small garden". To me, a small garden is a large flowerbed in which you plant a few seeds of various fresh veggies to delight your family through the summer. Here, a small garden is the size of a two car garage and will grow enough veggies in it to feed a large, third world country.

Another interesting quirk is that EVERYONE and their dog's uncle knows who Andy is. Everyone. We can't go anywhere without seeing someone he knows. This is a very weird change of pace after living in Fort Worth where we could go weeks, nay, months without running into anyone we knew at the grocery stores. It is also a little weird to me that everyone introduces themselves as "kin to" someone, as in "Hi. I'm Robin Banks. I'm kin to Dan Druff."

This weekend was interesting. The power in the town apparently goes out whenever anyone sneezes or anyone's dead ancestor sneezes, and someone's dead ancestor seemed to be having a sneezing fit all day Sunday. Every try curling your hair when the curling iron is only stays on at 45 second intervals? It was quite entertaining though watching the cat freak out every time the power would go out and then attempt to come back on. (Don't ask me why it freaked him out - I just live with him. I'm still trying to figure out why he's decided that my favorite flip-flops (at least the left one) are now his chew toys and his favorite things to chase are ice cubes on the kitchen floor!)

All that being said, I think we are living in one of the most beautiful places in the United States. The sunsets are spectacular. I have never been anywhere with brighter stars at night. You can see for miles in any direction. For the first time in my life, I've seen flocks of wild turkeys on several occasions. Everyone here greets you like they've known you forever and that is because everyone in the town has known each other forever, and by simply moving here we have been adopted into the town.

We can't drive anywhere without Andy telling me about something about his childhood. Never in our marriage have I seen him so relaxed. He hasn't lived this close to his family in over 10 years and I think being home is a relief since some of them may not be around as long as we would like.

It is good to be home. Very good.
(But I miss my sisters!)

Land spreadin' out so far and wide,
Keep Manhattan just give me that country side!

Have ya'll seen this?

2005-04-25T18:23:00.000-05:00

I can't believe you forgot to tell me about this awesome site when you first introduced me to Dooce! But given I am not working at the moment and have an ungodly amount of time to do nothing, I found the link on Crazy Us.

http://www.philjacobsen.com/

All I can say is I am totally bummed that I found this site just as he went on a six to eight month hiatus. Move over National Geographic!

And no Father's Day hallmark card, either!

2005-04-16T08:53:00.000-05:00

Ya know, its not so great living with parents that actually old enough to be my GRANDparents. (And, let me tell you, they certainly act like it too.) Mostly because I feel like I'm living in the 1960's. When I go out of the house, maybe to go shopping, its like Back to the Future!

Mom told me the other day that I should wash off the writing on my arm and start looking more like the "good young lady we wish you would be." What the hell?! Is that supposed to mean I, Dara Emilia Prati, am a hopeless case? Just because I don't look like a good little church-girl who wears pink and other pastels and doesn't like "that yelling music" but only listens to Beethoven and Mozart!!!!!! I think NOT! Dara Prati is going to stand up for her freedom to write all the wants on her arms AND NO ONE WILL STOP ME!!!!

But, you know what? Let them give me their weary, disappointed little looks. Let them ground me until the next Ice Age. Let them disapprove of every single thing I've become. I've decided that Kevan and Pamela Prati are Hopeless Cases. They think that just because they're my parents (if they even ARE), I am required to think what they think, to wear what they wear, and to have as boring and uninteresting a life as they do.

How ridiculous are parents, thinking they can MAKE their children believe and live the way they want them to? Before too long I'll be an adult myself, and out in the world, and living the way I want to. So where is all their tyranny going to get them? No phone calls on Mother's Day, thats what. Well, okay! I've got time. I can wait. One day I'll be free, and they'll be SORRY!

Well, okay...maybe not that sorry...

Clean Sweep, where are you???

2005-03-10T07:37:00.000-06:00

So you know the packing has gotten to me when Andy and I haul out 7 bags of crap to the curb for trash pick up and then actually watch for the trashmen to come so that we can laugh our butts off as they try to pick up a 50 pound bag of crap and attempt fling it into the garbage truck as the did with the 5 pound bag just before it.

I never knew garbage men could look grumpy...

How To Charm Me and Then Annoy Me

2005-03-08T21:17:00.000-06:00

Spend all day Sunday taking me to the movies, going with me to the grocery store, and snuggling with me.

Then go to Blockbuster 5 minutes after the fettucine is done cooking. That's just a plain crime to noodles everywhere.

Dorky Dotty Effect

2005-03-01T18:57:00.000-06:00

I was actually USING photoshop for once and figured out how to do the dooce effect! It only took me about....15 mintues WITH the tips from dooce. *Goes to make more photoshop pics*

thanks for the warning, Channel 8!

2005-02-14T16:00:00.000-06:00

As we watched the end of our favorite TV show Wednesday night, a local news spot came on warning us of a product recall on a "popular frozen dinner item". The spot played at least three times within a 15 minute period.

Aaron stated from the kitchen that if it was THAT important, why don't they just tell us now instead of selling their news program? Public health? Cool! We can make everyone watch in dread for their lives as they sit there for the next 30 minutes staring at their TV dinner, afraid to touch it.

We never watch the news. This was too good to miss. At the top of the hour - they had the decency to make it the first story - the anchor announced that the "popular frozen dinner item" in question was two national frozen pizza brands (Tony's and Pagoda), frozen egg rolls, spring rolls, tacos, and pizza twists. They were all made by Schwan's; the same company that also makes Red Baron and Freschetta. Several shipments - not ONE. SEVERAL - had been found with glass shards in them. (Hello? Yes, for my free extra topping, I'd like an array of random, sharp, invisible objects please.)

Aaron and I looked at each other, incredulous. A news station just kept this information in their pocket on a week night, when half the American population is eating frozen dinners.

Then I burst into laughter as, in the next break, a 30-second commerical aired for Tony's Pizza.

Embarrassing moment #2,369,245,25....

2005-02-10T13:14:00.000-06:00

Giving myself a burn on my neck with my blowdryer(!) 30 mins. before church Sunday morning that totally resembles a gaint hickie...

...and doing it during the month that Andy has been teaching on dating, love, and purity to our Youth.

beautiful shot considering it was a $2 camera

2005-02-09T22:20:00.000-06:00

I took this in Gaston Park, near my house. I love this picture. TREE! TREE! TREE!

Call Me A Lesbo, but...

2005-02-08T16:31:00.000-06:00

I was thinking about when I went shopping at Target and saw a lesbian couple pushing a cart together. It was rather cute considering one was holding onto the cart and the other had her arms around her also holding ontot the cart handle.
And forgive me if I have in any way offended you by reffering to a lesbian couple as 'cute'.

When I was younger, being the unusually short-hair tom-girl I was, I was often called a 'lesbo' by the neighborhood boys. Also, being the terribly naive girl I was, thought being called a 'lesbo' was a good thing! I take that back: not naive. Just stupid.
But anyway, one day I just so happened to see one of those boys from so many years ago, Alex, at the store with one of my friends. So, baring up all my courage and sarcastic wit, lightly tapped his shoulder and asked, "Hey Alex. Remember me? The lesbo?" he turned a tomato-red color that complimented his mortified expression. "Thought you would Nice seein' ya!" And it gave me great pride in marching back to my friend and laughing about it.

Revenge is sweet when sprinkled with sarcasm.

Life

2005-02-03T11:52:00.000-06:00

Someone once told me that “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.”

But after these past few weeks, I have come to believe, "Life is what drags you into a dark alley and beats the ever-lovin’ crap out of you while you are to attempting to make other plans."

Do you have the time?

2005-01-29T16:19:00.000-06:00

I stayed the night at Kina's house and watched a movie 'Run, Lola, Run'. It was really different from anything I'd ever seen. It had three different perspectives and endings. The last one was the best. It kinda got old though cuz it was alot of just watching Lola run around. Seriously, it was very well named. It has alot of bad languge but it really doesn't matter considering the movie is dubbed in German. Its about this girl who's boyfriend is gonna die unless she can get $100,000 in 20 minutes. So she's running around the city trying to figure out a way to get 100 grand. Why not take her moped, you ask? It was stolen, would be the most unfortunate answer.

Karina was having a very frustrating day. Her cable and internet went out on the same freaking day. All this other stuff that would normally be only minorly annoying became a huge deal and she was sick and tired of it. So I told her, in a very kind, caring, sisterly way: "At least your not Lola."

And while in the grocery store with Kina I had an epiphany. We were looking at all these "time-saving" foods and other stuff, and I realized that saving time is an illusion. We think we are saving our precious time by buying products that we can just pop in the microwave and dump on a plate. But then we want everything else to be that easy and/or fast and we run around trying to get things done faster and faster and we do too much and before ya know it, YOU HAVE NO TIME.

But then...

Neither does Lola.

How to Annoy Me

2005-01-27T13:11:00.000-06:00

When you are snoring in your sleep and I wake you up and tell you to roll over, say "Ok", then make noise like you are rolling over but remain flat on your back.

THEN, when I try to wake you up for the second time ('cause we all know you can't sleep on your back and not snore for more than two seconds), agrue with me and try to convince me *in your half asleep state* that you really did roll over and honestly weren't snoring and I am just hearing things and am flat out mean for waking you up again.

This is so NOT funny at 3:52 in the morning.

How to Charm Me

2005-01-27T13:03:00.000-06:00

Sit in front of the TV (as a 27 year old man with two Masters degrees and no kids) and not only ENJOY watching Tellitubbies, but also laugh hysterically ANY TIME the NuNu makes an apperance.

I have never laughed harder than watching him laugh at the NuNu. =)

How to Annoy Me

2005-01-20T15:03:00.000-06:00

(tee-hee! I now have the ability to post this 'cause Kina already did it!)

Tell me I never exercise, then spend the entire afternoon on your arse, polluting the air with your filthy cigarettes.

YOUR LUNGS WILL BE RUINED, WOMAN.

How To Charm Me

2005-01-19T22:40:00.000-06:00

Get up off the couch and help fold laundry because I am bouncing up at every commercial break to hang one more shirt and you want it TO STOP.

(This is a type of post I have been wanting to start and could not think of a more creative title than the one concocted by the Internet's unofficial Blog Goddess and Redneck Queen, Heather.)

Two Weeks Notice

2005-01-17T10:24:00.000-06:00

Ya know....I've been thinking (oh no!) about everything and I found out that two weeks has alot to do with all that everything. A few examples:

1) Today I've been sick for officially two weeks.
2) Mom thought that she had two more weeks before she had to sign me up for Sky Ranch. (there was actually only 1 week.)
3) I was almost grounded from the computer for two weeks.
4) um......ok so there were only 3 things! But thats alot!

You know it's been a LONG week at work when...

2005-01-14T11:43:00.000-06:00

....Instead of saying "Good Morning" to each other, your coworkers are saying "HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!" (And yes, with four exclamtion marks.)
....Everything that happens makes you want to laugh hysterically, cry, or beat somebody.... and sometimes all three!
....You find a very confused man in the ladies room.
....Someone makes coffee with the coffee pot set on Strong and without a coffee filter.

I can tell I'm too tired when...

2005-01-12T21:33:00.000-06:00

I sit at a red stop sign and wait for it to turn green.

Dara's Smile =)

2005-01-07T11:56:00.000-06:00

Dara, only for you, dear sister, would I post something like this on the internet.....

Originally I was going to post something about Andy, but then I remembered Dara's post a while back about her being a klutz and I knew what had to be done. Dara, here is your smile....

Let me just preface this story by saying that I have the coordination and grace of an elephant on roller skates. This is a fact and something that I have come to accept. That being said, I shall begin...

It all started when Andy and I decided to go furniture shopping a few months before we got married. We had realised after taking a quick inventory of our furniture (which all seemed to be made up of duck tape, cinder blocks, and particle board) that something had to be done, so we set out for Oklahoma City that fateful morning in search of furniture that would make the statement "We are really not in college anymore... really." (Please note: I am not totally oppossed to furniture made up of the above items, in fact, about half our furniture is still made up of those items. It was just our attempt at getting real "grown up" furniture.)

After having no luck at several furniture stores, we decided to stop by one last store before lunch. When we walked in, one of the nice sales guys (you know, the kind that practically tackle you when you walk thru the door of their store) started showing us around the store. We were almost done (again having found nothing) and about to leave, when going thru the living room section, an incident happened which will forever be right up there on the most embarrassing things that I have ever done in my life.

Andy and the sales guy were in front of me talking while I was taking my time and looking around. I turned around to look at something we had just passed when suddenly all heck broke loose. (You see, I have this bum knee which will go out sometimes just for kicks or out of sheer bordom.) As I tried to turn around, my knee decided to give way and I SAT on a glass topped coffee table! (I am SO not kidding about this. You have no idea how much I was!) THUMP!!! My huge butt hit the edge of the coffee table only to have it FLIP UP and then SLAM back down on the base. Andy and the sales guy turned around just in time to see the glass top to this stupid coffee table come crashing down. Miraculously it did not break.

You know in movies when something happens and the whole world comes to a screeching halt? Yep. That's what happened. The whole world turned to see what all the commotion was about and watched as the hopefully stupid, drunk girl struggled to her feet after sitting on a glass coffee table, because afterall, nobody would sit on one while sober!

Needless to say, we left immediately after that. I have never seen a sales guy so glad to see customers leave in all my life! I honestly don't remember the name of this place, but I am sure they remember me.

i dont know what the title should be...perhaps: I am sick. Feel sorry for me.

2005-01-06T11:59:00.000-06:00

We didn't have a little happy yew near (yes I meant to spell it like that. Lol!) post thingy. I feel abandoned...

But I come bearing tidings of........not so great stuff.

1) I cut my hair. I now have layers and long bangs. (No, they are not crusty bangs. Lmao!!)
2) I am sick and coughing and my nose is stuffed up. AND I'm going to a retreat for the weekend TOMORROW!

This is not good on so many levels. It's not even the same zip code as good. Level # 1: I will most likely still be sick and I don't want to spread germs to all those teens. Level # 2: Beans is going. 'Nuff said.

I think I'm going to go cough up my lungs now.
:) Much hugses!

Caution: Blatently Ireverent Song Lyrics May Lead To NOT CARING!!!

2004-12-31T22:27:00.000-06:00

I bought the new Liz Phair CD. Need I say more?

Money: All that fubar... for this? I'll take it!

2004-12-28T10:57:00.000-06:00

MSN Money... it's alive! I was wringing my hands for a while. Wondering what the problem was. It wouldn't load right. It wasn't updating. Portfolio Manager kept reloading the same update and rebooting my computer. But now, all is put to rights again. Because they got the new version of the greatest financial "look Ma, no hands" management tool ever to finally work.!

I can tell you within a few hundred bucks how much our 401Ks made this year (kewl). I can also tell you that we have WAY TOO MANY credit cards, but I can see the balances of each one and the due dates (ew. that last shopping ship). And I can see that the balance in the credit card column is finally LOWER than the balance in the banking column (finally). Ladie and Gentlemins, this is all on the SAME SCREEN.

Estimated time of continuation for positive cash flow: 30 seconds.
Reason: impending house hunting.

I am already burning in the fiery pits of the homemaking dragon's lair. I absolutely HAVE TO buy that $550 vaccuum cleaner. What else is going to keep the carpet clean... in our house? I know we don't need this Christmas wreath yet, but it was 50% off and it would look great on the door... of our house! I don't want to sell that sofa set we just finished paying off. We could use it to fill that second living space... in our house!

If I wasn't being supplied a free tool to show me how much money this house-dragon is eating, we would be in big trouble. If you have a Passport on MSN, you can use this tool. Worried about security? Passport is used by other Web sites, not just MSN... Starbucks and Paypal use it. Don't ask me why I know that! Besides, it is much more secure than that hidey-hole drawer you stash your naughty stuff in when the in-laws visit. Frankly, you would be crazy if you do not consider it. Yes precious, crazy.

http://moneycentral.msn.com/banking/moneyplushome.asp

Christmas Dinner

2004-12-26T15:39:00.000-06:00

I know my family is strange when our Christmas dinner conversation consists of licking Mozart's ass and terminal velocity.

Oh Christmas Tree! ACHOO! Oh Christmas Tree! SNORT

2004-12-23T13:02:00.000-06:00

I went to Karina's apartment for our LotR Party (which, by the way, was soooooo much FUN!) and soon discovered that my face does NOT like live Christmas trees. About an hour after I got there, my eye started itching alot. Itchy, itchy, itchy. Then later that night it was swelling up, not very badly but IT WAS SWELLING. MY EYE.

The swelling went down alot when I got home. But I think I was rubbing it in my sleep last night because it is now swollen up to THE SIZE OF A BOWLING BALL!!!

Oh well. *Sigh* I can always wear sunglasses when I go outside.

Sigh

2004-12-22T13:24:00.000-06:00

So much pretty snow... should have stayed home and got iced in. *Sigh*... wish there was enough that they would send us home.... wonder if I can get home?

Does there ever come a time when you stop wishing for snow days? And if there does, does that mean you're offically Old?

Randomness - WAY to tired to be writing a comprehendable blog

2004-12-17T21:45:00.000-06:00

First Randomness:
So for the past few weeks, I have been feeling weird. Worn out, constantly tired, falling asleep at the drop of a hat - lately while standing up! - tripping over my own feet (which Andy thought was pretty funny), and just feeling downright nasty. It was starting to freak me out a little till I thought on it some yesterday and realized that my feeling crappy directly corresponded to Andy's starting to snore every night. Ah-Ha! Mystery solved - I haven't hardly slept in a month. Last night Andy, being the good husband he is, slept on the couch so I could get a good nights sleep. Already I am feeling better. So now with the help of some Breath right strips (Andy) and earplugs (me) I might actually start feeling somewhat normal soon! Yippee!

Next Randomnesseses:
First, Karina, you killed Charile. Dara is right. For that, you must die. We will come over, and make you road kill, and watch Charlie LIVE as we sit on you. (Don't laugh, that's a pretty scary thought considering the size of my butt these days.)
Second, Dara, you are evil, 'cause you stole all the rum. But since you made the Blog pretty, you are forgiven.
Thirdly, Karina and Dara, you are both evil 'cause now you have me totally adicted to Dooce! I now spend every lunch reading her website, laughing hysterically, and getting weird looks from my coworkers. Laughed till I cried over the stories of Chuck - could not breath when reading the part about him flinging himself on the car! This dog is fabulous; we must clone him. Operation: Steal Chuck's DNA must commence!

Ramblingness:
I think my point has been proven about Chico having more stray cats than God. Went to Mickey D's the other night and there was one camped out in the drive thru! I think the cats are invading the world, and they are starting in Chico!

New Address

2004-12-17T13:25:00.000-06:00

New link is www.sistersincrimejkd.blogspot.com

Hope this doesn't cause any confusion! Much hugses!

FATE? or maybe LATE?

2004-12-17T13:11:00.000-06:00

Ha-haaa! I figured it out!

In the beginning Charlie wrote FATE on his bandages ('cause he's philisophical-musician like that), then later changed it to LATE because of Claire. But I don't think she's late yet. Maybe just wishful-thinking on his part...

I am having LOST withdrawal and its only FRIDAY!!!......I am sooo hopeless.

HEY! I didn't know Dom had a Beatles tattoo on his left shoulder AND his Elvish tattoo on his right. That spells "Sexxxy" with a capitol P.

Charlie doesn't need his herion (thats what I think it is. Charlie is a musician, probably gets the Pakistan herion, he doesn't mess around). I AM the Perfect Drug..... or so says Shaddy!

The Story of how I found out my favorite character from LOST did NOT DIE!!!!!

2004-12-15T13:17:00.000-06:00

randomthinker02 is me. Haha, Kina! You almost had us!

randomthinker02: do you watch LOST?
XxShadowyImagexX: Yesh
XxShadowyImagexX: Dommy wammy almost died and I cried
XxShadowyImagexX: and I screamed
XxShadowyImagexX: so loud
randomthinker02: I MISSED I!!!!!!!!!
XxShadowyImagexX: My neighbors ran over..
randomthinker02: *it
randomthinker02: I AM SOOOOOOOOO MAD AT THE WRITERS!!!
XxShadowyImagexX: Why??!?!!?!?!?!?!?
randomthinker02: lol thats kinda funny
randomthinker02: CUZ THEY KILLED MY FAVE CHARACTER!
XxShadowyImagexX: Who?
randomthinker02: charlie!!!!!!!!!
randomthinker02: charlie was the best! now i'm stuck with stupid jack...
XxShadowyImagexX: Wuh?
XxShadowyImagexX: He didn't die
randomthinker02: HE DIDNT??????????????
XxShadowyImagexX: No ...
XxShadowyImagexX: He was hung but the guy was banging on his chest and he came back.
randomthinker02: YES!!!!!!!!!!!
XxShadowyImagexX: I KNOOW
randomthinker02: my sis said he died!!!!!!!!
randomthinker02: i am going to KILL her!
XxShadowyImagexX: Mine did too .. just to watch me cry ..
randomthinker02: she is road kill
XxShadowyImagexX: I would have killed mine but ... she's .... my sis *pouts* LMFAO JK ..t hat's never seemed to matter to her.
randomthinker02: LMAO!
randomthinker02: she said i could come and watch it
randomthinker02: so i will
randomthinker02: but she is DEAD!
XxShadowyImagexX: WOOTWOOT
XxShadowyImagexX: LMFAO
XxShadowyImagexX: Siblings suck ...
randomthinker02: ROTFLMAO!

My Hero

2004-12-14T15:44:00.000-06:00

Charlie Pace
Beloved friend, musician, and brother
Episodes 1-10 2004

HE IS NOT GAY!

2004-12-13T14:52:00.000-06:00

I resent that remark.

Dom is NOT GAY EITHER!!!!! Phewy on these mean people. Shame, shame!

Alas, Charlie, we barely knew ye...

2004-12-13T14:10:00.000-06:00

Having to wait another Wednesday to find out what happens next will surely send me after you. At least I get to see the second episode! Did you run from the polar bear? Will I ever get to see how you kicked the habit? Will the "L-A-T-E" tape rings on your fingers leave a permanent suntan line?

Charlie's Funeral

2004-12-11T21:23:00.000-06:00

You are cordially invited to the pretend burial of Charlie: Beloved TV character.

Crap. Its just not the same without him.

Innocent

2004-12-10T16:07:00.000-06:00

I don't know about you guys... but this is a little scary!

Wowzerrs Charlie! Did you not see the pool thru the palm trees?

2004-12-09T13:11:00.000-06:00

So I am sitting at work, checking my email and surfing the web while having lunch, when all of the sudden I have the thought, "I should check and see if Karina and Dara have put up any new posts on the Blog lately." So I log back into my email (which I had logged out of just 10 mins. ago) to get the web address for the site and find a Blog invite from Kina! How cool is that!!! I swear we must have ESPN or something!

And I am so glad you invited me 'cause I have such an urgent, important question for you! What happened on Lost last night? Anything good? We so have to get a programable VCR!

Princess Kina-Bina and the Evil CEOgre, Part 2

2004-12-09T13:10:00.000-06:00

Princess Kina toiled and struggled, dreaming fitful dreams of failed HTML code validation and overlapping div elements. But she kept coding and drawing and repositioning and recoding, and finally, after one week, the new web site was done. It sparkled in the sunlight, bringing joy and relief to her click-weary wrist that was numb from many days worked late into the night.

At last, her noble steed, Charlie the Chevy Silverado, would be safe. "They will never take away my baby", she promised as she petted his dashboard. Then she got in and went for a spin. Charlie neighed and revved his engine, spinning out in the parking lot, taking her away to The Movies where only good things happen to good people... most of the time.

Soon it was time to present her handiwork to the Evil CEOgre. With her best friends at her side, she marched up to the Evil CEOgre's office and showed him all that she had accomplished. The Evil CEOgre looked and clicked and said hmmm many times. And then he turned to her and said, "I like it." The princess smiled.

"I wove it with the lightest cloth that I could find", said the Princess.

"It is very impressive. I will use it everyday", said the CEOgre, who magically transformed before her eyes and was not so Evil anymore.

The next week, it captured everyone's praise and company login ID as it zipped along on their computer screen. People who had never spoken to Princess Kina before soon were offering to help and wanting to know when they, too, could have a web woven by the Mistress of Web.

Princess Kina could only smile and say, "You'll have to wait for Phase 2."

"Beans"

2004-11-30T17:15:00.000-06:00

*Sigh*

I like him. He's nice. He goes to my youth group. He's purdy darn cute!

He saved my clumsy ass from falling off my chair TWICE. I am such a hopeless klutz.

I like him ALOT but I don't know if he likes me. I get flutterbies in my tummy when I talk to him.

Good flutterbies that tickle your insides.

Still Waiting...

2004-11-30T17:13:00.000-06:00

Okay, I've waited long enough for you to post something.

Let it snow!

2004-11-25T14:18:00.000-06:00

4 in. of snow in St. Louis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's what I'm thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving All!

Princess Kina-Bina and the Evil CEOgre, Part 1

2004-11-24T13:01:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time, in a magical place called EDS, there was a Princess known as Kina-Bina.
This princess was under a spell. She had to do whatever the CEOgre told her to do or she wouldn't get her pay-check to pay for her Noble Stead, a Chevy Silverado.
So one day, the evil, ruthless CEOgre told her to weave a golden website All By Herself, the evil CEOgre had taken away all her "helpful" servants.
"Out of what shall I weave it?" the princess asked.
"HTML codes," he answered, gruffly. And he left her with one week to finish this terrible and hopeless task.

Your dreams have come true.....DARA IS BACK!!!

2004-11-22T13:12:00.000-06:00

No need to cry yourself to sleep at night wondering when the Wonderful Dara will be back with her wit and charm! I am here.

But I am starting to wonder if maybe this has become YOUR blog now. Lol, jk. I still love you.

The O.C. and why I even WATCH it

2004-11-22T13:00:00.000-06:00

1) because it's actually WATCHABLE! unlike other teen-drama drivel...
2) RYAN!!!!!!
3) it is SOOOOOO Shebly's fault!
4) the characters are Believable. They are Real. You feel like you live next to the Cohens and you go to school with Marissa and Summer.
5) did I mention RYAN!!!!!

Okay, okay. I am NOT obsessed with Ryan or anything but he is the coolest character on the show. He cares about people. He's like Seth's big brother, ya know? He feels like my big brother..........sorta. Actually, I may like Seth better... he has the best lines! He's a Little Too self-centered, but the fact that he Tries to not be is super-cute.

Okay I'm done bubbling about it.

Grounded

2004-11-22T11:22:00.000-06:00

What has to happen for someone to be grounded from their own blog and favorite TV shows? Oh yeah, NOT DOING YOUR SCIENCE HOMEWORK. So when are you coming over to catch up on LOST?
;P

Testing. One, Two... Sixty?

2004-11-18T16:58:00.000-06:00

So here I am at work trying this Blogger by Email thing, enjoying the pre-holiday silence. And then I realize, oh. Yeah. Outlook is turned off. I really DO have a full "Follow Up" task list in my Inbox... crap.

Singing the no MyMoney blues

2004-11-18T16:37:00.000-06:00

I was going into withdrawals yesterday. And I don't mean that I was reviewing the minus column on my bank account. I mean that I couldn't SEE my accounts. MSN Money was dead.

It never occurred to me how much I dearly am truly in love with the ease and convenience that is the giant MSN My Money tool. I was planning funeral arrangements and casting about emotionally for a way to keep my financial life in order. That 6 hours of downtime was the end of me.

I missed watching my 401K fly on the wings of a semi-ridiculous "market rally". My bank balance. My savings balance. Even my credit card balances. I wanted to watch that evening as we hit the "Pay Bill" button and saw the little ones and zeros become just zeros! Oh my god, I am obsessed. I need a break. What is Dooce up to?

Mercka, I beat ya cuz I luv ya...

2004-11-18T16:22:00.000-06:00

If only El Presidente could conjugate verbs... but why would he learn that when Diebold executives are handing him the country on a silver electronic voting platter?

Fish Farts

2004-11-17T21:16:00.000-06:00

I have a fish. His name is Louie.
His diet consists of fish-pellets and dead bugs.
While Daniel was feeding Louie said dead bugs he swears he saw him fart. FART! I mean, come on! But he says he saw a little bubble come out his butt. Ooooooookay, Daniel. What ever you say...

Fart???

what if the hokey-pokey really IS what it's all about...

2004-11-17T18:53:00.000-06:00

will we all have to turn ourselves around?

i told you, it IS a conspiracy

2004-11-16T20:33:00.000-06:00

Suede jacket.
Public bathroom counter.
GRAVITY.
Public bathroom sink.
AUTOMATIC SOAP DISPENSER.

The Wonderful World of Blogger

2004-11-16T19:57:00.000-06:00

Blogger, I have to say, is perhaps the most Awesome Blog-Thingy In The World.

I will explain why I believe that is, because there are some people (of whom have my deepest sympathy) that *gasp* do not have Blogger.

I had (have) a Xanga. Let me tell you, Xanga SUCKS! Mostly, because you have to pay, like, 10 bucks a month for the premium service. Unless you want the crappy free service that doesn't let you fix the html code for the template or change the size, blodness, italization of the font for your entry! Grrr.

Whereas, with Blogger you get to do all that and it's FREE. Yes, F-R-E-E.
I am not being paid to say this (I wish), I'm just saying what I think (and I didn't have anything else to say). I am not a sell-out. I just think that Xanga sucks. It is not even worthy to be capitalized. So xanga sucks.

It really does.

please, fry my bacon

2004-11-16T19:13:00.000-06:00

The magical thing about having a husband is that the world has decided to hate me and it took me a while to notice.

The new web site at work is taking a long time due to organizations that love to complain about the lack of a place to put the content that they do not have. I went home early yesterday to let them ponder that undeniable fact. Also, I am coming down with something other than my normal cynicism.

I was laying on the couch with a sweatshirt and socks under a fleece blanket with a heating pad on my neck and the heater turned to 75. But no, there would be nary a wink of sleep. Why? Because our upstairs neighbors were moving. OUT. MOVING! AWAY! FROM! ME! The neighborly neighbors heretofore referred to as The Ephalumps, will not be knocking any more pictures off my bedroom walls. They will not be full-body wrestling at midnight using my ear lobes as launching ropes. Only as a last farewell, they would be interrupting my malaise vacation with large washing applicances crashing down three flights of stairs.

When I got up to make dinner, the bacon was frozen where it had been IN THE FRIDGE for 2 weeks. It was more like bacon sushi. It was cut so thin, I could not for the life of me get it into the pan in one piece. It's the same bacon I always buy.

The eggs were done. The bacon was somewhere between fried and not. We punched a DVD in and pressed play. And the food from my fork fell on the floor. All the food. Three times. Within two minutes. Just as I got all the food picked up off the floor and onto a spare plate, I hit my fork with my wrist. Floor.

I looked at Aaron and he looked at me. "It's OK. I still love you."

What world?

Corporations holding Town Halls require Surveys for Executive Validation

2004-11-16T18:54:00.000-06:00

It's 7pm. Nuf said.

earthworms don't laugh, dumbass!

2004-11-13T13:40:00.000-06:00

My brother and my dad and I were talking at dinner, and had a rather interesting conversation.

Know-It-All Daniel: Did you know alligators can't move their tongues?
Me: Duh!
Dad: Cool. I didn't know alligaters had tongues.
Me: Daaad. ALL animals have tongues.
Dad: Oh yeah? Where's a spider's tongue?
Daniel: In it's mouth!
*Everyone laughs*
Dad: Well, where's an earthworm's mouth?
Daniel: Just tickle it and see which end laughs.

Being depressed about love and guys makes me feel like a poet. So I wrote this little diddy. I showed it to my mom and she laughed...at it... But at least I know that computers don't laugh so I have no worries showing it to you.

Can't get you out of my head
It's fuckin' crazy
I wish you were dead
Were you just toying with my mind?

Our founding-fathers were stoners!

2004-11-11T17:07:00.000-06:00

I just remembered I missed my half-birthday! NOOOO! I've waited since my birthday to celebrate it, but nooooooooo I have to forget about it until now! Grr. Bad me.

I know I'm a sap when...: I cry at a Coca-Cola commercial. A COKE AD FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!! But it was a sweet commercial...

Listening to Blue October this week. "A Quiet Mind" sounds like a good kissing song. Like in the movies when the girl and the guy realize they truely do love each-other and they kiss passionatly! Yes. That's exactly what it sounds like.

Oooh! I just read that Thomas Jefferson and George Washington both grew marijana on their plantations. Hahahahaha! OmiGawd, that's great. Now all the druggies will try to claim that even the PRESIDENTS thought it was okay to get high. Eh, but whatever. I wouldn't complain if drugs were legalized...

passwords and other shit

2004-11-10T22:55:00.000-06:00

Is it just me or are you also annoyed when you're signing up for some web-thingy and you are asked to have a password that has to be at least 6 characters long. Or it has to have at least 1 number. And ABSOLUTELY NO hyphens, or anything but letters and numbers. OhmyGawd! It's crazy, I tell you! I hate it. Bugs the shit out of me.

But among other things... I no longer have a best friend Curtis. I now have a best friend Ass-Wipe. Yes, with a capital "A" and "W". For those of you who do not know what Ass-Wipe has done to me, I ask you: WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN??? But I will tell you about it sometime when I don't have to go to bed in about 10 minutes.

Oh, by the way, if you want to see my other blog that I keep for my friends, go to: www.xanga.com/littlegilraen

Wuffer and much hugses to everyone!

wedgie-itis, cosmo, & hair dye

i think this blog

I'm lame, but are YOU?

Yay for picture blogs!

Ohmygiddygodstrousers, I actually DID IT!

I went to PetSmart to get fish. With gills. And FINS. Breaking news: This does NOT have fins...

my depression makes me laugh

Now HERE is an exercise in futility...

Scenes of Christmas

The Guys' Rules

And now, for your reading pleasure...

It's those little things that say it all...

This is not what I signed up for

Yes, I admit I'm a hair dye junkie

It's a wonder sometimes the poor man can still remember my name let alone ever figure out why I do anything I do

Wherein all grown-ups are estactic to drink out of sippy cups every morning

Because this was too good not to share...

You know you're country when...

Random Text Messages

If we don't stop with this Starbucks obsession, we're all going to end up like this damn squirrel!

My mother and our inability to communicate without yelling at eachother

Studying

Not only do we break all ten commandments, we smoke pot behind Walgreens every Friday night

What kind of blogger are YOU?

What I Learned This Summer

WARNING: Do not read while eating Raspberry yogurt

Ever notice how Dilbert sometimes feels like a documentary?

This is What I Think:

How to Charm me...

In which I make a complete idiot of myself in front of the hottest guy at my church.

Things that make me go "Huh???"

How to Piss Me Off...

Gr-eeeeeeeen Acres is the place to be...

Have ya'll seen this?

And no Father's Day hallmark card, either!

Clean Sweep, where are you???

How To Charm Me and Then Annoy Me

Dorky Dotty Effect

thanks for the warning, Channel 8!

Embarrassing moment #2,369,245,25....

beautiful shot considering it was a $2 camera

Call Me A Lesbo, but...

Life

Do you have the time?

How to Annoy Me

How to Charm Me

How to Annoy Me

How To Charm Me

Two Weeks Notice

You know it's been a LONG week at work when...

I can tell I'm too tired when...

Dara's Smile =)

i dont know what the title should be...perhaps: I am sick. Feel sorry for me.

Caution: Blatently Ireverent Song Lyrics May Lead To NOT CARING!!!

Money: All that fubar... for this? I'll take it!

Christmas Dinner

Oh Christmas Tree! *ACHOO!* Oh Christmas Tree! *SNORT*

*Sigh*

Randomness - WAY to tired to be writing a comprehendable blog

New Address

FATE? or maybe LATE?

The Story of how I found out my favorite character from LOST did NOT DIE!!!!!

My Hero

HE IS NOT GAY!

Alas, Charlie, we barely knew ye...

Charlie's Funeral

Innocent

Wowzerrs Charlie! Did you not see the pool thru the palm trees?

Princess Kina-Bina and the Evil CEOgre, Part 2

"Beans"

Still Waiting...

Let it snow!

Princess Kina-Bina and the Evil CEOgre, Part 1

Your dreams have come true.....DARA IS BACK!!!

The O.C. and why I even WATCH it

Grounded

Testing. One, Two... Sixty?

Singing the no MyMoney blues

Mercka, I beat ya cuz I luv ya...

Fish Farts

Oh Christmas Tree! ACHOO! Oh Christmas Tree! SNORT

Sigh